


What If

by silenciumspiritum



Category: Silent Witness (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenciumspiritum/pseuds/silenciumspiritum
Summary: Based on the little moment between Jack, Nikki and Conor at the end of S22 E8 'Deathmaker.'
Relationships: Nikki Alexander & Jack Hodgson, Nikki Alexander/Jack Hodgson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	What If

Nikki sighed as she wandered around the office, clearing up all the little bits and pieces from the case that they were now wrapping up. Clarissa and Thomas had already gone home, Jack had popped out to go see his friend who she couldn’t quite remember the name of. He said he’d be back soon to help clear everything up but by the time he’d get back she would’ve finished. She didn’t mind, this case had hit home a little bit for him and she’d told him to take all the time he needed. 

As she walked out into the corridor she spotted a man stood outside the entrance. He had his back to her but he was obviously here for a reason. Curious as to what he wanted she headed towards the door and buzzed it open, causing the man to turn around and face her. She realised who it was the moment his green eyes met hers. She had seen the same look on a different person nearly every day for the past eight years. 

“Hi, can I help you?” She asked politely.

“I’m looking for Jack Hodgson…” the man replied.

“You must be Mr Hodgson?” She interrupted. He answered with a simple nod to confirm her suspicions. She held her hand out to him. This was the first time she had met Jack’s father and the resemblance between father and son were uncanny. Jack had mentioned him in passing of course but they were yet to meet, until now of course. “Nikki Alexander, lovely to meet you.” 

Conor shook Nikki’s hand with a firm grip. That was a name he recognised, a name Jack seemed to mention quite a lot in the times he spoke about work, “Jack speaks very highly of you, Dr Alexander.” He complimented her. He could see why Jack talked about her so much, she was very endearing and he’d only just met her. 

“That’s very kind,” Nikki smiled, letting go of his hand and taking a step back to allow him to make his way through into the offices. “Come in. Jack should be back in a minute. Can I get you a coffee?” 

“Thank you. Black, no sugar,” Conor answered, feeling slightly awkward as he sat down in the chair. “I hope I’m not interrupting any important business.” 

“Not at all,” Nikki spoke softly as she poured the hot water into a mug and stirred the liquid. She carried the drink over to Jack’s father, sitting down in the chair next to him. 

“Thank you,” said Conor as he took the mug from Nikki’s hands. 

“My pleasure,” Nikki breathed, watching the man next to her. Jack was so like his father it made her wonder what his mother was like and if was he anything like her.

“Jack’s business has always been his own,” Conor started, resting the coffee on his knee. He didn’t know where this was coming from but he felt he had to explain why he was here. He generally tried to stay away from Jack’s work, partly to give his son some space to be his own person but partly because he didn’t want to get mixed up in the horror of it all. He continued, “When he was a boy there was a big ‘stay out’ sign on his door.”

Nikki chuckled at that, the thought of a small angry Jack shouting at his parents to leave him alone, not too dissimilar to what he was like now, “Some things never change.”

“Sometimes on the news I see reports of murders, of innocent people being killed. And sometimes later their killers have been brought to justice, and I know…I know that Jack was involved…that he’s made a difference to their suffering and,” he paused for a moment. It wasn’t often he got to talk like this about his son, if at all. Jack had always hated when he gushed about him and there was no one really that he could talk to and tell them how he loved his son. “That makes me proud.” 

Nikki smiled, she felt her heart flutter. It was so nice to see a father who genuinely loved their child and was proud of what they do for a living. And not just using their child for their own gain. In a small way she felt a pang of jealousy, she never had that relationship with her own father and she so wished she had. Maybe she would’ve been a different person today. She glanced up, sensing that someone had come into the room and sure enough Jack was stood there, looking slightly bewildered at the sight of his father sat there talking to Nikki.

“Hey dad, what are you doing here?” Jack asked, standing awkwardly as his eyes flicked between the two people sat in front of him. 

“Just out for a walk,” his father replied, looking up at him. 

“Right,” Jack sighed, not quite believing him. “Shall we get some lunch?”

“Sure,” Conor nodded, standing up and handing the mug back to Nikki. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Nikki smiled softly at him. 

“Nikki will you join us?” Jack suddenly threw out into the air, taking her a bit by surprise. He was just probably being polite, not wanting to leave her out of the loop. But then who knew when it came to Jack. 

“Uh, no,” she quickly decided. She didn’t want to intrude on father and son, it wasn’t her place after all. Her and Jack were just colleagues. “I think I’ll take a rain check, thanks.” She said politely.

Jack just nodded and she couldn’t tell if there was a hint of disappointment in his face, almost as if he actually wanted her to join the two of them. She watched them leave anyway, Jack smiling back at her as he left the room. 

Nikki just shook her head at herself, she had a tendency to read too much into things sometimes but she couldn’t get Jack’s face out of her head. She looked around the room, everything was pretty much sorted and there was nothing else that she could get on with. Sighing she quickly picked up her coat and her bag and headed for the door, catching the two of them just as they were getting into the lift.

“Wait,” she called out. “Changed my mind?” 

The way Jack’s face lit up made her heart skip a beat. Maybe she wasn’t reading too much into things. Conor watched the small interaction between the pair. He had sensed that there had been something going on between the two of them from the first time Jack mentioned her and how he had talked about her. But his son had clearly done nothing about those feelings he was harbouring from the way he was acting like a giddy teenager right now. He just rolled his eyes at the pair as Nikki joined them in the lift. 

They made their way to a small remote pub that was quiet and out of the way. A nice change from the usual chaos that came with their job. They sat down at their table, Jack sitting next to Nikki without even thinking. Conor had admittedly never seen how his son acted around women but if he was always like this then it was a wonder he was able to actually find relationships. 

The three of them flicked through the menu silently before ordering their meals. Nikki settled on a simple sandwich whilst Jack and Conor ordered themselves a steak each. Nikki chuckled at the pair of them, the apple really didn’t fall far from the tree with these two. 

“I was telling Dr Alexander…” Conor started.

“Please, call me Nikki,” she interrupted. All three of them were at lunch together now, there was no need for all the formalities. 

“I was telling Nikki,” he corrected himself. “How proud of you I was. I know you don’t like me fussing over you but I can’t help but feel proud to call you my son. Knowing that you’re out there keeping more and more people safe.”

“Oh come on dad,” Jack breathed. “I do all the running around and chasing after people. Nikki’s the real genius behind it all. She does all the hard work.”

“Shut up Jack,” Nikki scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“But it’s true,” he retorted. “You’re the brains, I’m just the puppet.” 

Nikki could feel her cheeks growing warmer by the second. She took a sip of her drink in attempt to cool her down and not embarrass herself. She couldn’t do with her body revealing things that she had only just managed to squash in recent years.

“Your father was talking about you not me,” she diverted the conversation back to Jack. “Besides you are underestimating yourself a lot there.” 

“Oh come off it.”

Conor felt as though he was watching a tennis match the way they were throwing the conversation back and forth with each other. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was always like this with them. If so, he was starting to feel a little bit sorry for their fellow colleagues. 

“Well no Jack,” Nikki began. “How many times have you saved me from a tricky situation because you couldn’t give in and you had to find the answer? I would not be here today if it weren’t for you. And as much as it pains me to say this but you are more often right than you are wrong.” 

It was Jack’s turn to blush this time but he was quite literally saved by the bell as he spotted the waitress carrying their food towards them. At least they now had some food in front of them to distract them from the fact that Jack and Nikki had just spent the best part of twenty minutes complimenting each other, something which they very rarely did. Or at least, they had never done to each other’s faces. 

Nikki was the first to finish with her lunch only being small. Jack and Conor had barely made it halfway through theirs and the smell of the chips on Jack’s plate was making her stomach grumble despite having already eaten. She reached over and pinched a chip, quickly popping it into her mouth. 

Jack put down his knife and fork and glared at her. There was a twinkle in his eye and she knew he wasn’t being serious. With a massive grin on her face, Nikki picked up another chip, dipped it into the sauce and bit down on it. The eye contact between them not breaking once. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He teased, his Irish accent thick. 

Conor looked up from his plate at Jack’s voice and he put two and two together. For the second time that afternoon, he rolled his eyes at the pair that were sat in front of him. 

Nikki shrugged, the smile on her face growing bigger and she finished off the chip that was still between her fingers. Jack just shook his head and chuckled before turning the plate so she wasn’t having to lean over him. 

After they had finished up and the waitress was taking the plates away, Nikki excused from the other two to go to the toilet. Jack watched as she walked away, feeling his heart beat quickening. He hadn’t thought about Nikki in that way for a long time now, not since she’d got with Matt. He had told himself after Mexico that he couldn’t think about her like that anymore, it was the one thing he hadn’t been able to let go of from their time in that place. He still blamed himself for her being taken away. Eva knew he loved her. She knew that he would’ve done anything to get her back. And he didn’t want the fact that he loved her to bring any harm to her again otherwise it would kill him. 

Pulling him from his thoughts was his father, “Your mother used to do that to me you know.”

“Huh?” Jack’s brows furrowed, still not quite in the room and understanding what his father was getting at. His was still gazing over in the direction Nikki had gone. 

“Steal food from my plate,” Conor continued anyway. “She was the only woman I would let do it.” 

“What are you trying to get at dad?” Jack questioned despite knowing exactly what his dad was saying.

“Nothing,” Conor shook his head. “I’m just making a simple observation. But to be honest, I don’t think I need to say anything, you already know what I’m talking about. Judging by the look in your eye anyway.” 

“Forget it,” Jack sighed, picking at the pepper shaker in the middle of the table. “She’s with someone else anyway and from what I can gather they are perfectly happy.” 

“And when has that stopped you?” Conor winked. 

“Dad,” Jack warned. 

“I’m just saying,” he shrugged his shoulders. “This man can’t be all that if the way she acts with you is anything to go by. Make your move son, you might be surprised with the outcome.” 

Jack opened his mouth ready for a reply but he was quickly interrupted by the waitress asking if they had wanted any deserts. He heard a yes please coming from behind him before he had chance to come up with an answer. 

The waitress handed a menu to Nikki as she sat down, “Thank you.” 

Conor reached into his pocket, pulling out a handful of notes and placing them down on the table, “Thank you for a lovely afternoon but I think I’m going to leave the two of you to it,” he stood up, winking at Jack who had a look of bewilderment on his face. 

“And how are you going to get home?” Jack queried, his tone a little worried. His father was getting old now and he didn’t want anything to happen to him. 

“I noticed a bus stop just down the road, I’ll catch a bus back don’t worry about me,” he patted Jack on the shoulder. “I might be old but I’m not stupid. It was very lovely to finally meet you Dr Alexander, we’ll have to do this again.” 

He held his hand out to shake Nikki’s hand, giving it a firm grip. Nikki couldn’t help but feel taken aback and she was starting to wonder if she had scared him off. She really hoped she hadn’t. After all it was only meant to be Jack and his father and she’s just gone and intruded in on their meal. She watched as he left, waiting until he was out of the door before saying something to Jack.

“I hope I haven’t upset him,” she spoke quietly. “It was only meant to be the two of you.”

Jack’s hand rested on top of hers. He squeezed it gently to reassure her, “You haven’t upset him don’t worry. He’s probably wanting to get back in time for his programmes.” 

Nikki chuckled at that but she still wasn’t convinced. 

“Now, what are you going to have for desert,” Jack asked, trying to distract her. 

“I don’t know I’m quite full,” she sighed. 

“Well maybe if you hadn’t have stolen my chips,” Jack remarked resulting in a nudge from Nikki who just smirked at him. 

Jack shivered as he felt her breath on his cheek. She was leaning in close to him to look at the menu in front of them. He turned to watch as she concentrated on the words, carefully deciphering which sounded the most enticing. Although desert was the last thing Jack was thinking about with his face being in such close proximity to hers. One move and their noses would be brushing against each other. One move and he’d be able to feel her soft lips under his. 

He closed his eyes, he knew the thoughts that were now racing around his head were wrong. She was in a happy relationship with Matt. She had thought she was pregnant with his child not that long ago. It wasn’t fair for him to be thinking of her like this but he couldn’t help it, he wanted nothing more than to have her running her fingers through his hair. His own hands exploring every curve of her body. His head was screaming at him telling him to stop, he was only going to end up getting himself hurt. 

“How about we share a brownie and ice cream?” Nikki suggested turning to Jack. Her breath hitched as she realised just how close they were to one another. She backed off slightly but found herself missing the feeling of his body pressing into hers. 

Jack nodded, his throat suddenly feeling quite dry. They placed their order and it was soon being placed on their table. Nikki picked a spoon up first, eager to have the first bite. Brownie and ice cream always reminded her of her childhood and as she had the first spoonful she was in heaven. She closed her eyes as she savoured the taste.

She turned to Jack, encouraging him to try some but he started laughing at her. Confused, Nikki’s eyebrows knitted together.

“What?” She wondered. 

“You’ve got a bit of chocolate,” he started, pointing to around her lips. 

Nikki turned a bright shade of red, “Oh gosh,” she wiped at her mouth and then looked at him again, “Gone?” 

Jack shook his head, “No there’s just some there,” he pointed out but she still couldn’t get it. Chuckling he reached out, cupping her cheek he used his thumb to wipe away the rest of the chocolate sauce she had somehow managed to get everywhere. 

He found himself unable to move his hand as he gazed at her and she did him. It felt as though they were the only two in the room, the only two in the whole world. He had always known her to be one of the most beautiful women he had ever had the pleasure to meet but in that moment she was so captivating and if his throat wasn’t dry before it certainly was now. He could feel his heart pounding out of his chest as he leaned forward, bringing his face closer to hers. 

He stopped for a moment, letting his face linger there, her breath running along his top lip making the goosebumps erupt all over his body. He waited for her to back away, expected it even. But she stayed there, like she had wanted this just as much as he did. 

Tired of waiting, Nikki snaked a hand round the nape of his neck and closed the gap between them. Their lips meeting in the middle briefly. Testing the water before going back for more. Jack could taste the sweetness of the chocolate mixed with the vanilla ice cream on her tongue as the kiss deepened. The feeling of Nikki’s fingers running through his hair driving him crazy. He physically couldn’t get any closer to her, not in the way that he so desperately wanted to, he was having to remind himself of just exactly where they were. Otherwise he would just have her right here right now. 

He pulled back before they got too carried away, his forehead leaning on hers, their breaths in time with each other. He didn’t miss the small smile on Nikki’s lips. This was something mutual, something she wanted as well. And that was something that made his heart burst.

Nikki dropped her hand from the back of his head, letting it snake down his chest. They didn’t have to say a single word to each other, Jack was already counting the money out that his father had left, making sure it was correct before they both stood up and made their way out of the pub. 

Her hand had slipped into his as they were walking out but Jack couldn’t wait any longer to feel his lips against hers. Pulling her closer to him, he backed her into the side of the car. His heart was racing and his breathing shallow as he looked down at her. Those big brown eyes staring back at him driving him mad. His hands didn’t hesitate to move to the back of her head as he leaned down, capturing her lips with his. 

Feeling less eyes on them, his mouth left hers, travelling down her jawline. He eventually reached her neck, his teeth nipping at her flesh. The gasp escaping from her throat only spurring him on more. He was struggling to control himself, this was years of pent up sexual frustration and it was going to sizzle out in a matter of minutes. Not wanting to give all of himself away too soon, he backed off. Taking a moment to appreciate her heavy, drooped eyelids and now slightly swollen lips knowing that he had been the cause behind that. 

He tried to suppress the grin quickly spreading across his face but the blush that was creeping up his cheeks gave it away. He stole another kiss from her before opening the car door to let her in. He walked around to the driver’s side and they made their way back to his apartment as fast as the speed limit would let them. His hand rested on Nikki’s thigh in-between gear changes, his heart fluttered every time she would lay her own hand on his. Almost as if it was a confirmation to him that this was a mutual thing, that she wanted it just as much as him. 

In the short drive home, his mind had wandered to Matt. Jack knew deep down how wrong this was and he knew Nikki was thinking the same thing. But he knew that it was about time he did something for himself for a change. It was his turn to be selfish. It wasn’t as if him and Matt were the best of friends, it made no odds to him if Matt wasn’t in his life. It would no doubt break Nikki though, from the way she had been talking about him recently made it sound as though they were starting to get serious, as though this wasn’t just one of Nikki’s flings. But then if they were that serious, if they were that committed to one another then why on earth was she sat in the car next to him, knowing what exactly they were going to do the moment they got back to his. 

Jack shook his thoughts away, if he thought into it all too much he’d end up changing his mind and there was nothing he wanted more right now than to feel her skin on his. Her body pressed against his own. The two of them exploring each other’s bodies and finding out things about one another that they never knew before. As wrong as it morally felt, this had never felt more right. 

He pulled up into the car park of his apartment and took one look at Nikki, a small smile on his face. Feeling a sense of relief as her face mirrored his. If she had given Matt a single thought in all of this, then it hadn’t changed her mind. He leaned into her palm as it came to rest on his cheek and her lips briefly met with his. Jack breathed out before unbuckling his seat belt and leaving the car. Nikki followed closely behind him as they made their way up to his flat. 

There was now a sense of awkwardness between the two, almost as if the moment was starting to fizzle out. Like too much time had passed in the drive from the pub to his. But as Nikki started to remove her coat Jack found himself helping her and he could feel everything bubbling to the surface once again. As he laid her coat out on the kitchen counter, Nikki turned to face him. 

She took hold of the zip on his own jacket and slowly pulled it down, grinning to herself as she watched Jack’s chest rise and fall, his breaths quickening. She felt hot under his gaze and the nerves were starting to get to her now. She had been fine up until the point where they were now completely alone. And completely exposed to one another. They had known each other for so long now, and had been with each other through their ups and downs. There was no need for Nikki to be feeling this way. But they had never been like this with each other before. She was about to completely reveal herself to Jack, all the little bits about her that he hadn’t seen yet. 

Jack quickly picked up on the tremor in her hands, and he could sense her anxiety was starting to get the better of her. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jack asked softly, resting his hand on hers. “We can stop if you want, you don’t have to do this.” 

“Jack,” she started, looking up at him, her eyes locking with his. “I have never been sure of something in my whole life,” she let out as she reached up, their lips colliding. 

Now they were in the comfort of Jack’s apartment and only had each other for company they allowed themselves to completely let go. To completely expose themselves. Unlike how they had started, slow and steady. Nothing was holding them back now and they almost became desperate. Their mouths open against each other as Jack’s hands grasped at every inch of her body. Nikki’s fingers made quick work the buttons on his shirt, pulling it open to reveal his chest. She let her fingernails run up and down his hard muscles, revelling in the feeling of him clenching under her touch. 

Jack had quickly guided them in the direction of his bedroom, articles of clothing being discarded in the process. Nikki shivered, partly from the cold air now attacking her bare skin and partly because he was now looking at every part of her. 

He was taking her all in, he wanted this moment to last forever. He wanted it to be ingrained in his memory. He hoped that this wasn’t going to be the only time. He hoped that, as selfish as it was, she would pick him. That he would get his happy ending and spend the rest of his life with the most beautiful and captivating woman he had ever known. He loved her, that he was sure of. But if this was only ever going to be a one time thing, he wasn’t sure if he was going to able to live with that memory. Of what he could’ve had. It would kill him. 

But he didn’t want to let the what ifs ruin this precious moment and he could see the goosebumps that were erupting all over her skin. He edged closer to the bed, pulling the covers off so he could clamber underneath them. He patted down on the bed next to him, anticipating for her to join him, which she didn’t hesitate to. 

“I can’t have you being cold now can I?” Jack chuckled as his mouth found hers once again. His fingers ran up and down the length of her arm as she straddled him. 

Her breath hitched at the feeling of him hard against her. She bucked her hips against him, teasing him as the thin layer of cotton remained between them. Jack felt the blood rushing around his head and he wasn’t sure of how he could take anymore. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Flipping her over so that she was now under him, Nikki’s hand slipped between them, removing the last item of clothing. 

She gasped as he pushed into her, her fingernails digging into his shoulders and she had no doubt that she was leaving marks behind. Jack’s teeth was attacking the flesh at the base of her neck as he moved inside her. Nikki’s legs wrapped around his body wanting him to be as close to her as possible. She could barely see for the pressure building in her head. She was so close already and judging from the growls that were escaping from Jack’s throat so was he. 

She tugged on his hair as her breaths became more shallow, that familiar feeling reaching its peak. Her hands moved to cup his face, wanting to feel his lips on hers again as she tipped over the edge. Jack groaned as he felt her tighten around him and he took her hand in his, squeezing as he let himself go. He continued to push in and out of her as they rode out their orgasms, the adrenaline surging around their bodies. Almost feeling as though it would never end. 

His mouth continued to travel and explore her body, down her neck and her chest. Down her stomach before settling between her thighs. He kissed her inner thigh, feeling her tense beneath him. He smirked to himself as he could feel her fingers knitting through his hair. A moan escaped from her as his tongue licked between her slick folds. 

Her back arched as she pushed herself further into him, not quite getting enough of that feeling of him between her legs. She could feel every inch of his tongue exploring her and it wasn’t long before that pressure was building up again. She felt him slip one finger inside of her. The sensation of his fingers pumping into her and his tongue running circles around her, she was reaching her peak once again. He didn’t stop as her body clenched around him for the second time. No one had ever made her feel like this before and her head felt as though it was spinning. This was one high she would not be able to get enough of. 

Jack moved back up her body, her skin feeling sticky with sweat underneath his. His lips crashed into hers and Nikki could taste herself on him and that was enough to drive her insane. She had never felt so turned on in all her life. How it had taken them this long to get to this point she would never understand. 

He collapsed next to her, feeling a little bit spent but that didn’t stop him from wrapping an arm around her, pulling her close to him. He still wanted to feel her body against his, he still wanted to be as close to her as physically possible. He didn’t want to let her go. He nuzzled his face into her neck, leaving gentle kisses over the marks he had left behind. He had no doubt that she would kill him the moment she spotted them in the morning but he supposed he didn’t care that much. He could deal with the wrath of Matt, if it ever came to it. He knew that Matt knew deep down, he was no competition next to Jack. 

Nikki could try her best at keeping up with this relationship with Matt but in the end she’d always come back to Jack, she always did. Even if not in a romantic way, Nikki belonged to Jack as Jack belonged to Nikki. If he believed in all that stuff he would go as far to say that it was written in the stars. 

“What are you thinking about?” Nikki whispered. 

“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking about,” Jack replied into her skin. 

“Tell me,” she encouraged, her fingers running up and down his arm. “I get the feeling that we’re both thinking the same thing.” 

“And what would that be,” Jack was intrigued now, he propped himself up on his elbow so it would allow him to look at her face.

Nikki reached up to cup his cheek, a tear rolling down the side of her face, “I think I’ve been kidding myself,” she paused, taking a deep breath. “This whole relationship with Matt, I just wanted to feel something. To have something that was perfect, that wasn’t broken. Something that would take my mind away. But these past few months I’ve realised that there is something comforting in the broken. It’s a reminder that nothing is perfect and just because it’s broken doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. Those couple of months after Mexico were the worst of my life and I used Matt to get away from that. But it didn’t fix the problem. The problem was still there, I was just ignoring it. And then I realised it was you. It’s always been you. And I tried to ignore that for so long, to push it to the back of my mind because I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you Jack. You are the closest person I have. You’re my rock. You’re my best friend. And I love you.”

She barely managed to get those last words out for the lump in her throat. And she felt her heart drop as Jack stared back at her, his face full of confusion. Not quite sure of how he was meant to react to that. But as she seen the smile that began to spread across his face she had never felt more relieved. 

“I love you too,” he beamed, their lips meeting in the middle once again. 


End file.
